Ultimate recycling tips, fence posts, park benches and other thoughts.

We start a new year tomorrow, and with a greener party coming into power, my thoughts have been on recycling and green topics.  I have never been much of a recycler I must admit.  I do use junk mail as fire starting material and I occasionally refill plastic water bottles with tap water.  Oh, and let’s not forget we compost in the unfrozen months.  Does that make me green?  What other things can I recycle that will not only benefit the environment, but also me? Homes for Heroes has a low carbon footprint.  Just ask the office staff.  They will pull down their scarves and tell you in foggy breath that they keep the office as cold as a refrigerator.  If that is not green, what is?

My wife will claim I am the greenest person on the planet because I do not throw anything away.  The valve cover seal that I just replaced, yup, sitting in the garage.  (One might need to make an emergency repair on some other seal on some other vehicle at some other time.)  Oh, the rusted bolts I pulled out of the swing set all those years ago, still have them in a jar in the basement.  (If I fished more often they would make great line anchors.)  My wife, I guess, is pretty green as well.  She has paint cans from 1980 and will not let me get rid of them because we may need to touch up something or another in the home.  And when I say throw out, I mean emptying the paint and using the can for a bucket to hold more bolts, broken pieces of glass, extra screws you get from mini blinds, bread bag ties, old empty lighters (the flint is still good!), dried out markers, empty ink pens (plastic tube will come in handy for emergency tracheotomy), old pieces of sandpaper, rusty nails, bent nails, old phone wire, bent thumb tacks (easily repaired someday),  casket nails (they came with the house and we didn’t dare ask), old wooden cheese boxes (great for holding all the baby food jars), old used inter-tubes (another sealing material), old panty hose (works better than cheese cloth), old worn out light switches, burnt out bulbs (for when you’re in that crafty mood).  Well, you get the point.

In the past, I have made some pretty incredible things with all the stuff I collect.  I turned an old parking meter I found in Chicago (another story when the statute of limitations is up) into a timed reading lamp where a nickel gave you a half hour and a dime a whole hour.  The problem came when it was close to payday and I did not have enough change to keep the blasted thing lit.  Also, for a college student, I turned a lunch box, dolls arm, shrunken head, electric buzzers, motors and some old outlets into a desk lamp, noise maker, extension cord thingy.  Guaranteed to annoy and fascinate at the same time.  Old shower heads and duct tape have repaired watering cans that the wife was going to throw out.  Do you think I would go to the store and by a window well retainer?  Not with all that treated lumber piled up by the garage! And I wonder why my wife does not have more dinner parties here anymore. . .

Curious to see what others have done to be more environmentally conscientious in the modern world, I turned to Google.  Here’s what I found:

Do you have some old sewer pipe laying around?  Well how about turning them into a fancy-schmancy bed and breakfast.  When I was a kid, I always wanted a cement tube to live in.  Now I can, and you can too!  But I think I would stack them like you see at construction sites.  How cool is this?

Do you by chance have rooms that are stacked?

You know we now have that saying that the newest gadget on the market is already 3 years old.  So what to do with an old out dated printer? We currently have four sitting down in the basement.  They all work, but as the new saying goes…   So what can we do with them? It is just a plastic box with some electronics inside.  Hey, hold on, did I just say box?  Yes, of course! Just rip out the old guts, line it with aluminum foil and voila!!  A nice looking and cheap bread box.

Strange, I could have sworn I put white bread in here, not dark?

But what to do with all those guts from the printer?  Do you have any children, nieces and nephews?  Do you have a glue gun? Well, make those cute little munchkins something that will light up their lives.  Toys!  They are bound to have hours of fun and you will have a steady stream of supplies–that is–if you keep up with technology and have a sense of imagination.

I want one too, Grandma!

Another thing I forgot to mention that makes me a little greener is how we recycle wire clothes hangers.   Every time my wife catches me hanging a shirt up with one of them, she snatches it out of my hand, swats me on the bottom and says, “NO WIRE HANGERS!!!!!”  I think she got it from a movie or something.  But then she’ll laugh and put the hanger in a bucket.  When the bucket is full I take them back to the cleaners.  They always seem to appreciate that.  I must admit though, and don’t tell my wife, I keep a couple downstairs just in case….  But back to the point.  Look at the neat chandelier that can be made with some old pants-hangers.  Perfect for any bachelor or newlywed couples.

Honey, you can also hang stuff on it to dry, can't we keep it?

What do you do with that old moped sitting in the garage?  The old thing sure does look nice but the motor is shot and I could use the motor for a boat anchor.  A little cut here, a bend there and we have another Christmas gift for some unsuspecting relative.

The horn works and everything!!

After you see this next picture, you will immediately put all your CDs on to MP3 players and start collecting CDs.  I already have a good head start.  (They also make great reflectors and keep the wood peckers off the side of the house).  I am going to make one for the TV room.  I can’t wait to see my wifes face when she realizes where her Paul McCartney CD went.

I think this should go in the living room dear. What? Why not?

All-in-all, I think we can all do more to save our planet, and we can do it just by looking around the house!  You know about that saying the kids come home and repeat relentlessly, “Recycle, Reduce and Reuse. ” I at least have two out of three going for me.

Since we are on the topic of environmentalism, I would like to bring to you this next picture to support my theory that mother nature tolerates us, and in no way can we do her much harm.  If she doesn’t like where you put that park bench, she will just take care of it herself. (See below.)  That back yard fence in the way for her forest plans?  She won’t let that stop her. (See below.) It stops man but not Big Green Ma.  Some kid left the bike out and can’t remember where he put it?  Well Mother Earth has her own way of teaching him a lesson. (Once again, see below.)  I really don’t think that when we drive to the hardware store to get some more duct tape she minds all that much or is damaged in any way.  She just smirks and knows that any time she wants she can put things where ever she wants to.

Just think what she can do with sidewalks.

Have you all started thinking about moving yet?  You have two weeks until things  get busy.  Contact Homes for Heroes (remember I told you it was free) and get a Homes for Heroes affiliate working for you today.  I realize you might be a little wary about contacting anyone with all the telemarketing going on today.  Homes for Heroes guarantees they will not pressure you, nor make you feel obligated to use their program. They will present you with what we have to offer, give you an idea of how much you can save and then they will let you decide.  No follow up phones calls (believe me, the staff is too busy to sit around and bug people on the phone) unless you ask.  Seriously,  this is a great program and puts money in your pocket.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Semper Fi.

Monkeys, bleach bottles, Christmas eve. Is it time yet?

Now is the time most Realtors would say that business starts to pick up.  No really, the holidays are out of the way and people look around their homes with all the new additional stuff they have received with no where to put it.  So Mama  looks to Papa and says, “Pa, look at all this stuff we have gathered this blessed holiday.  It is time to get a bigger house.  Not to mention Pa, I think the holiday has made the doors here a little less wide.  I can’t get into the bathroom any more.”  So people all over the nation start looking for bigger homes.   From about mid-January to mid-February real estate agents across this country are getting the cob webs out of their cell phones, dusting off keyboards and looking up dream homes for their clients.  Homes for Heroes affiliates are doing the same thing, but the biggest difference is that Homes for Heroes affiliates provide huge savings for their clients.  If you do not have a Homes for Heroes affiliate and would like to save a ton of money when buying, selling or refinancing a home contact Homes for Heroes and let them help you find an affiliate in your neighborhood.  Go on, it’s easy and doesn’t cost anything.  Just visit the web site or call them.  It’s easy, it’s fun and it will save you some serious money.  Don’t make me ask you again.  Get moving!  Phone ready?  Good, now push the one (1), then 866 (this indicates a toll free call).  Keeping up?  Good.  Now put in a 443.  I can see that you have done this before.  Very well done.  Okay here is the last bit. Push the following buttons in this sequence. 7 6 3 7.  Perfect.  Now place that device up to your ear and start saving money!

Okay, let’s recap from yesterday.  During my stint in the Marine Corps, I was sent to Subic Bay, Philippines as  an advance party to get my unit ready for a joint exercise with the Air Force.  I was new to the unit and I think this was a form of hazing. You can read my previous blog to find out what I found out, which mostly had to do with monkeys.  Now I was sent alone, 10 days in advance.  How many here have had prior military service? Think about what I just said.  I was sent by myself to another branch base for 10 days prior to the rest of the squadron arriving.  I had no one I had to report to.  I got to set my schedule, which meant most days I woke up sometime just prior to the chow hall opening for lunch, but that’s a different story for another time.

The down side to all of this was I was going to be on a strange base, in a strange country all by myself over Christmas.  My family was back in the states,  and in order to call them you had to put a call into a Philippine Operator then wait by the phone when she got a line to the states.  Sounds easy?  No, the phone was about 6 blocks from the barracks and had no chair, which really is not that big of a problem, except that the normal waiting time was from 2 to 3 hours.  On Christmas eve I did just that.  I sat and milled about the telephone for 3 and a half hours to get the call back.  I gave the Operator the phone number I wanted her to call, she dialed, I heard a ringing.  I was now thinking that the time spent waiting to talk to my family on Christmas eve was worth it.   Anticipation of talking to my kids was building.  Then in the next instant I heard a busy signal that was quickly followed by a Philippino Operator asking me if I would like to wait for another line to the states.  Yes, my Christmas was getting better by the minute…. NOT!

I decided not to wait, and I would try again tomorrow.  It was around 6 in the evening and I had not yet eaten dinner.  I decided that I would treat myself to a dinner on the town–a town called Olongapo.  It is a military town, geared towards all the needs that any young soldier or sailor could want.  Yes, you guessed it.  Olongapo sold more T-shirts than anything else.  Honest.  What have you heard? That’s just rumor.

So I grab a cab to the front gate.  Did I mention the barracks were 7 miles from the main gate? Another winning stroke on my part.  Cab fare 2 bucks.  At the gate I ask one of the Marines there, “Where would be a good place to get some food without any hassles from the locals?” (How did I know the locals would hassle me? Yup, another story)  This fine young Lance Corporal told me “Peso Jimmies, great lumpia!”  I ask him where it is.  “Go down main street about 6 blocks take a right go another block and it is right there.”

I follow the directions to a T.  I find myself looking at a pool hall.  Not the pool halls of my fathers era I notice.  In place of windows there is chicken wire.  The pool tables themselves pretty much had no felt.  Well, let’s be fair.  There was enough on the table so that an experienced pool player would recognize it as one, but to the common folk, no way.  The eating tables were all folding card tables. The chairs were a conglomeration of WWII office chairs.  How did I know they were from WWII?  Each chair weighed about 40 pounds and the condition of the leather, well let’s just leave that description out.  It didn’t matter anyway, because  I am about to eat some of the best lumpia in the world.

I sit down and notice the walls are covered with Marine and Navy squadron logos, along with pictures of very drunk military pool players.  I would later find out one of the tables guaranteed a sunk ball with each shot.  No matter where you aimed, the balls would roll to one side and down to a corner pocket.  The street outside was filled with Jeepneys.  I ordered a San Miguel beer and a plate of lumpia.  Okay, I know you want to know what lumpia is.  Take a second and find out.  Well?  Looks good doesn’t it?  They really are.  The only difference between the video and mine was the protein content.  It was rumored that in Olongapo anything ordered as chicken was probably cat. I have a story about buying cats at the Market in Olongapo but you will have to wait.

So after about the 5th beer and third plate of lumpia, it was getting dark outside. I had sat myself by the window, I mean, chicken wire, and was enjoying watching the locals getting in and out of the jeepneys.  As I sit there a group of kids come up, carrying what I thought to be garbage.  Well it wasn’t garbage, and they weren’t kids: they were musicians out singing Christmas carols on Christmas Eve.  They noticed my smile and stopped right in front of me.  All that was between us was a piece of chicken wire.  I can’t remember how many, 4 or 5.  They each had their own instruments.  One had a plastic bleach bottle for a drum, another had a glass coke bottle on a stick, hitting it with another stick.  One had a piece of angle iron hanging from a string and was hitting it with a spoon and one actually had a small child’s tambourine.  They started to sing, I was pleased at their effort and after a couple of songs they finished with Jingle Bells.  My heart went out to them and gave them each a U.S. dollar which would exchange into about 30 peso’s, which was a lot for them. Just to give you perspective, my beers cost me 2 peso’s each and the plate of lumpia was 1.50 peso’s.  Needless to say, the tip did not go unappreciated.  Now I have 4 or 5 kids sitting in front of me singing at the top of their lungs and clanging away on plastic, glass and metal.  The bar staff gave me a look that told me they did not appreciate my generosity.  I shooed the kids away and sat back and ordered my 6th San Miguel.

So that is how I spent a Christmas away from home in a foreign land.

See you tomorrow.

Semper Fi.

Monkeys for Christmas? Buy now.

Hope your Christmas was all that you hoped it to be.  We at Homes for Heroes were very blessed.  Now here is a Merry Christmas wish from our troops in Iraq.  Just keep in mind, they are trained as soldiers and not singers.  One piece of news this Christmas that I came across quite accidentally brought a sense of good tidings.  The Iraqi government has made Christmas an official holiday in Iraq.  Christians now can celebrate Christmas openly in Iraq!  The first Christmas mass was even attended by a Muslim Cleric leader.  Thank our soldiers for making this possible.  God Bless em!!

Her first Christmas without fear.

For those that have had to spend Christmas away from loved ones, you know how much that can suck.  Especially if conditions are not all that comfortable.   Around 1986 I was an advanced party of one for my unit to NAS Subic Bay, Philippines.  My job was too set up housing and maintenance facilities.  Mostly paperwork, but I was new to the squadron and had never been to Subic Bay before.  I think this was done intentionally by my Sergeant Major.  You know put the new NCO in an awkward and potentially disasterous (for my career) situation just for laughs.

I had worked with the Navy personnel and got our housing requirements taken care of.  I had done very well.  I had managed to secure four Quonset huts, 3 of which slept 24 men to a hut.  The fourth was the latrine and showers.  Since we had less than 30 men being deployed and we would be working a 24 hour schedule, I had single handedly secured separate quarters for each shift!  My Marine Corps would be battling the Airforce in a mock air battle.  Sleep would be crucial and this set up would allow our men to work hard and then come back to a quiet place for well deserved rest.  We had been on deployments before where all three shifts were sleeping in the same quarters.  That meant that while you were trying to sleep, others were awake, watching TV or talking or making a lot of noise.  I knew at this point I was on my way to a medal or something.

Remember I had said this was my first visit to the Philippines?  Isn’t your first trip any where full of “first” time discoveries?  Shall I list those discoveries?

One: Subic Bay is in the middle of a Jungle. Jungles have animals in them.  Animals in jungles like to make noise.   Most animals in the jungle are up at night. The quonset huts I signed for were at the remote edge of the base about 20 yards into this said jungle.  Needless to say, when the unit showed up I was congratulated on the really cool location.  Almost like a movie set some said.  I was beaming with pride.  I was new to the unit and this was helping me build a reputation with the guys.  That was until nightfall.  When the sun set, it was an audio trigger.  Like an alarm going off.  Screeching, buzzing, whistling, chirping, cawing, barking, grunting all at once.  It took about 7 minutes for my good reputation to take a hit.

Two:  The jungle has a monsoon season.  I was in the chow hall and I had overheard some fellow Marine mention the monsoon season was starting about the time my unit was to arrive.  What the heck is this monsoon season I asked.  I am from the midwest.  We have four seasons and I am pretty sure none of them are called monsoon.  Leaving the chow hall heading back to the barracks I learned what a monsoon was.  It rained about 6 inches in 15 minutes.  Did I mention that quonset huts are made of tin?  I had another first, heavy rains on a tin house is not quiet.  In fact it is quite loud.  I prayed that while the unit was here they would not be have to sit through a monsoon.  My prayers went unaswered.

Three:  Bats live in the jungle and not just in caves.  These jungle bats liked to live under the leaves of some strange looking palm bush things and if you just happened to bump one they fly away, all noisy and scary.  Did I mention that our barracks were in the jungle and all that romantic scenery was palm bush looking things.  Another first time discovery was that bats make a nightly pilgrimage to where ever bats go on a pilgrimage.  What time do bats make this pilgrimage?  Another first time discovery.  Right at dusk.  So as you walk to your barracks for some nice sleep after a grueling day and want nothing more than a cold beer and a rack, you have to spend some time before that dodging flying mammals with poor eye sight, leathery arms and sharp teeth.  They sense you moving and swoop down to see if you are bug or small creature.

Four:  Jungles require high temps and high humidity levels.  I had never been in a tropical climate.  When it is 110 degrees and humidity is at 90% or better you tend to sweat.  Being out in the open a breeze can come along and move that air over your skin causing a cooling sensation.  Time for another first discovery, air does not move in the jungle.  Do you think the quonset huts had fans,or better yet air conditioners?  Well if you did then you are no different than me in my disappointment.  Ever see those war movies where there is this guy who can get you anything you need?  Well that is the movies.  What a time I had trying to get air conditioners.  In fact it was so hard I did not get any air conditioners.  I did get some really big floor fans though and another first time discovery.  Really big floor fans move air at a rate that everything must be tied down.  Also really big floor fans are louder than half of the Marine Corps arsenal of flying aircraft.

Five:  Monkeys know how to open doors.  I had come back from work one day and discovered about 6 or 7 of these cute little creatures in the barracks.  They had managed to open the screen door and make themselves at home.  At home for monkeys means that everything that is in a place should not be, and everything that is made of material should be torn to small pieces of material.  I had caught them in the middle of the act and they shooed quite easily.  I made a quick trip to the hardware depot and got my self (at my own expense!) some door latches.  The eye and hook kind.  I think I spent about 4 dollars and they installed quite easy.  Problem solved.

Six:  Monkeys have thumbs.  Next day I came back from work to find the door open and monkeys again in the barracks.  This time I was not as timely and had to replace a pair of my skivvies as well as two pillows.  Not to mention the monkeys, being only about a foot tall, had managed to knock every mattress on to the floor.  So I had about an hour of clean up to put everything back in order.  That was an hour till I made another first discovery.  Monkeys do not have need of restrooms.  Add another hour to find cleaning materials and another 2 to scrub the place down.  How to solve this problem.  Move the fans in front of the doors so the monkeys can’t push the doors open.  Again problem solved.

Seven:  Monkeys do not like to be locked out of quonset huts.  Have you ever been in a sound sleep?  You have?  Have you been awakened from that sound sleep by a loud noise?  You have?  Have you ever been in a sound sleep and been awakened by a door being continuously slammed against a really big floor fan?  No?  Now add to that 30 or 40 foot tall monkeys really angry that their playground is closed and they display that anger by screeching at the top of their little lungs.  Have you ever heard a monkey screech in anger?  On a nature show?  When you heard that on the nature show did you have the volume turned all the way up?  Picture 40 monkeys screaming like small angry children.  Needless to say this time it was not the monkeys fault that I had to replace another pair of skivvies.

How does this all tie in again?  Well, I had to spend Christmas alone in the Philippines and as you can see it was a trying time.  My unit was not to show up until the 26th or 27th of December.  But I do have a nice story to tell about my Christmas eve.  I will share that with you tomorrow.

Semper Fi

Last Minute Gift Ideas. Merry Christmas!!!

We at Homes for Heroes wants to wish you all the very best Christmas ever and a joyous and wonderful holiday.  May all your troubles be forgotten this day of our Lord.  Visit with your family and friends and the rest of the world be forgotten.  Just for a day.  Pray for our Heroes that are providing us security and safety here at home and far far away.  May you all be safe and your hearts full of content.  Merry Christmas and God Bless.

It started out simple enough.  Before I ran off to the malls and shops and fight the crowds for that parking space within a mile of the mall,  I thought I would go on line and get an idea of what I was going to buy as well as where I was going to buy.  Sounds smart right?  That’s what I thought.  I even bragged to the wife.  Honey, by the time I get back from the computer I will have a map.  This map will be of all the locations I need to go to get the shopping done.  It will be a round trip map.  You know.  I start here and by the time I hit the last store I will be very close to home.  How green of me!  Time savings will be incredible.  The efficiency in my moves will be award winning.  I will leave the house at 12 noon and be back home in 90 minutes, and that even includes waiting in line time!!  My wife looks at me with a smile that I have only seen her use on puppies and babies.  She comes over and pats me on the head and gives me a kiss on the cheek. Then she whispers in my ear.  “Honey for all the years that I have known you, I know it will take you longer to plan this out than actually just going out and shop with no plan.”  Harumph!  I say.  Women just don’t get it.  So I head to my desk, determined not to let her deflate my fantastic idea.

I sit down and start that Google thing.  I am looking for some comfortable pants for one of our children.  This child has just recently decided that sweat pants were the ticket.  Now I am not really against sweat pants but the only two places I have seen them in the last few years is the gym and on older men.  Well I google “comfortable pants” and the search takes the normal time of .01 seconds.  I start to read down the list of stores that are offering the most comfortable pants in the world.  Silk, fleece, wool, buckskin.  No, No, No and huh?  The next item stops cold my eye moving across the screen.  A displeasant taste forms in my mouth.  I re-read what I just read to ensure that I read it right and I was not mis-reading.   Darn, I did read it right.  Now I must react in a violent and dramatic way for I am a man.

I stand up forcibly, this is to ensure that the chair flips backwards onto the floor making a loud crash.  This will get the attention I so dearly want and need right now!  Then I fling my pile of papers off the desk top and into a cloud of confetti. This is where skill comes in.  As a man you must time these bursts with the utmost of care.  Too soon and no one sees it, then you feel like an idiot.  Too late and then it seems contrived, which will hurt further tantrum chances of being successful.  It needs to be done at the exact moment your audience comes into view.  If done properly it will bring about the desired response of your audience.  They will be all concerned when seeing you throw something and relieved that it was not them that caused this terrible and violent outburst, thus providing you with an ample amount of concern to work with.  My wife happened to be the closest to my proximity and my timing was impeccable.

She ran up to me asking, What’s wrong honey?  What’s wrong?!?  Now here is where follow through is important.  If I blurt out what is bothering me right then and there, my wife will have the opportunity to spend a second or two determining whether she needs to be concerned and loving or if it is just another tantrum by her man.   Me being a man, which conclusion do you think she will she come to.  After all she has been my wife for over 9 years.  So I visibly shake the cooties off me, put a strained smile on my face and say “Nothing honey, why do you ask?”

It is important to keep your audience off balance.  If they start to reason instead of react the whole gig is up.  You will not get anymore attention nor an opportunity to get something else.  In my case I had something else in mind.  So I played it aloof.  I made sure she could see the agitation in my body movement.  Things like putting your face in your hands and slowly pulling them down the length of your face.  This is key, when the eyes become uncovered make sure there is eye contact between you and your audience.  The stretched eyes for some reason convey stress.  So I use it and practice it a lot.  I can see it working, she moves closer and again asks, “what has got you so upset?”  Now I use phrases like “I don’t want to upset you so just forget it.” or “You are not going to believe this!”

It works, my wife is so moved that I do not want to share the upsetting news she steps right up to me and gives a big hug.  Nothing better in the world.  A hug from your wife.  A hug that is meant to be mothering and caring.  A gentle hug that says “nothing to worry about, mama will make it all better.”

VICTORY!!  I have achieved success this day.  So after holding the hug as long as I can I must now provide the pay off.  What did have me so upset that I would knock a chair over and throw my papers into the air?  Zubas!  Yes Zubas.  Those nerdy and trailer park pants made fashionable all those years ago are making a come back.  This is disturbing on too many levels to get into, so read the article yourself.  If you are like me, this will be painful.  My wife smacks me in the back of the head, but it was worth it.

So I am 10 hours into my planning of my 90 minute shopping trip.  Here are the items I have selected for my family and friends.  I hope you enjoy them because when all is said and done my wife was correct.  Will the trip take 90 minutes you wonder?  Nope, something more like 15 days if I drive, 10 days if I fly. I can order all on line in less than 90 minutes but the cost of shipping is more than the items are worth.  So my plan is now to just go out and shop with no plan at all.  Please enjoy my “wish” list for Christmas 2008.  To all my friends and family I hope you enjoy the socks and Hickory Farms baskets this year.  Maybe I will plan better next year.  Yeah.  I can start now and have a 90 minute plan ready well in place for next Christmas.  What?  Honey why are you smiling?

No, I don't find this creepy. Why do you ask?

Hand soap is the perfect gift for my sister in-law.  She likes soaps and lotions but me being a man, I have no idea if cucumber smells good as a lotion, or black currant.  What is it with lotions all smelling like food.  So this caught my eye and I think it is perfect.

Tastes like the real thing but lasts much longer.

For my friends overseas, this year is a little tight so I wish you well and found this gift to be much cheaper to send than the real thing.  Inflatable fruit cake!  I find it amazing what we have done with technology.

Thiis should keep the kids out of the yard!

Speaking of technology and it’s influence on modern man.  This is what my brother would have gotten.  A water balloon cannon.  We can sit up at the cabin, which is about 150 feet off the shore of the lake.  That gives us about 150 foot water radius for all those boats that love to drive by at 0500 in the morning.

One of my in-laws has this tiny dog which becomes even more tiny when wet.  So here is the gift to keep the poor little creature dry when being out in nature taking a nature break.

The sha-poopie, or is it the shy-poopie?

One of my family has mentioned in the past that it is horribly embarrassing to be standing by the dog as the dogs do what dogs do when they are on a walk.  So this is a gift to help with that.  Now when the dog squats you can use this to catch the offensive matter.  By concentrating on the catch you will not notice all the people laughing at you.

I wonder why mom gets mad when we play with these?

For the relative with the young children.  Think of the fun the family can have with a set of these.  For six bucks and a potatoe (Dan Quayle spelling) the kids will be occupied for hours.  Just think of the hours the children will spend hunting each other down.  Think of the time mother will spend picking up rotted potatoe pellets.

For my beloved wife.  A lot of thought went into this gift.  I remember the times sitting at baseball games.  Having all our fun dashed at the 9 dollar beer prices.  Well no more honey!  Good times are to be had again.  You know how much I love those and now I have even more reason.  The bra flask can hold up to 25 ounces of your favorite wine or my favorite beer.  I leave the choice up to you.  No really, I can drink beer at body temperature.  Wine though is another story, you have to have wine chilled to 40 degrees.  Really, I am not lying.

It jiggles as you walk!

Since I was at the web site I thought I would pick one up for myself.  The true beer belly.  Fun to be had for all!!!  I hear the deluxe model has a belly button dispenser.

Works best when properly attached.

To our expecting relatives.  I wish they had these when you kids were young.  This will be a very import tool for the sanity of all man kind.  Again I am amazed at modern technology.

Stop yur whining, it won't bite!!

My dear wife, since I was not sure if you would be as pleased as me with the bra flask, I thought you would love this even more.  Now you don’t have to call on me in the middle of a football game to grab some pesky arachnid crawling around in the bathroom.  You don’t have to touch them any more, nor call on me when it is fourth and goal.

It really worked, except for the bite that followed.

To my beloved older brother, when I saw this it reminded me of a time when I was a small lad and you were teaching me how to be a big boy.   For some reason this image brings me back to that time you taught me how to stop a dog from barking…..

You'll be in a Jam if you keep it up mister!

This is for my daughters boyfriend who will be spending college break here at my home.  I am not a very subtle person but I hope this gets my point across.

This will look very nice hanging in the closet.

IT’S TOAST TIME.  Oh, we have to wait until News Years.

They call it a plush toy. Hmmmmm

I saw this and thought, well why not?  To whom ever receives this, know that I have no earthly reason for buying it.  No one does and yet we sell them.  Therefore, you are welcome.

Wouldn't numbers be easier?

To the nerd in our family.  You know who you are and if you don’t you do now.  This is a truly digital wrist watch.  Fully binary, what ever that means.

Now, not only can you walk around in them, you can walk on them.

To the just retired couple, I think this rug would go well in the bathroom.  Some how I see this as a future omen.  Why wear pants when you don’t have to go to work anymore? At least that is how I see it.

Aim for center mass!!

I know you hate you job and your boss little brother, so I thought this would help even the playing field.  Just place this in a cube of some one you are not all that keen about.  Maybe the office suck up.  When the boss walks by his cube, you can remotely launch a missile attack and let the kiss up face the wrath.

Now everything is clean!!

For the clean freak in our family.  I got you this, because I have never witnessed you washing your own eyeballs before.  Perhaps you can start right now.

I always wanted a hedgehog in the shower! Thanks!

Oh and I forgot this, your own hedgehog shower brush.  Yes, I know, I am too thoughtful.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way.

I saved the best for my favorite relative.  This suits your personality and demeanor.  Put it down now, you can play with it later.  Come on, you have to drive the kids home.  Put it away, really.  Where is my hammer Maw!!!

Why do I cringe at the thought of this?

This is somewhat disturbing.  I think this is a gift for the Secret Santa people.  Should I add the bacon flavored floss as well?

It can make the best of us hungry.

For the not so beautiful children in our family. You know the old joke.  You are so ugly your mamma had to hang pork chops around your neck so the dog would play with you.  Well technology has solved this issue too!  Bacon looking band aids.  Just slap one on that goofy looking kid and the dogs will come a runnin!  Thank goodness there are a 100 to a box.

Every pet owner should own one.

This one I am keeping for my self.  No more walking the dog.  I just have to shoot a treat out of this baby and the dog will chase it.  I will have to go around the block though so the wife does not catch me.

Heck, one box for the whole family.

This is the gift when you are on a budget.  Cheap crap, but lot’s of it.  Merry Christmas kids!

Now that is the list and I did all of my shopping at two sites. Thisnext and Archie McPhee.  Visit and you will see why I was there for 10 hours.  Merry Christmas all!!

Gorillas in our midst

I am stuck at home.  The car will not start.  I turned it on  to let it warm up.  It ran for about 5 minutes then died.  I tried to start it again and it will only run for a couple of seconds.  I guess I will have to wait until it warms up.  Oh in about 30 years!!!  Oh and to add to the cold misery.  I have a flat.  Well not really a flat.  Just that when the temps drop I have a tire that likes to go soft.  Since I did not go anywhere this weekend that soft tire turned into a flat tire.  So at 6 am this morning I was lying on the ground, that being a -14 F ground, trying to get a frozen jack in place.  Ever try to change a tire in mittens?  You lose something when working with mittens. I am not sure what but it was really hard trying to the the lug nuts off and on the car.

Okay, okay.  I was going to put this into last Friday’s post but ran the post was getting huge.  Here is a story I found in the paper about a gorilla head.  Not your typical gorilla head.  This gorilla head has entertained the town of Appleton WI for years.  Not only entertained, it became synonymous with balloons!  Yup, if you were living in Appleton and I said the word balloon, you would think of a gorilla.  That gorilla stood steadfastly in front of the balloon store on Wisconsin Ave, welcoming the children to it’s store.  Well it did until one fateful evening on the 28th of November.  It wasn’t noticed at first until a bus load of kids on the way to school started to cry simultaneously.  The bus driver turned to find out what could cause this to happen.  He saw what the kids were crying at.  In front the balloon store was a headless gorilla, slumped over in a grotesque shape.  The bus driver immediately called it in on the school radio.  The principal knew this was a grave situation and called Appleton Police.  The police sent whatever available manpower it had to the scene.  Appleton police made CSI=Miami look like amateurs.  All to no avail.  No major clues could be found. The police said maybe a reward might bring the head back home but there was nothing else they could do.  Well the store owners were devastated.  Who would do such a thing.  Well the town fought back.  They all put some money together and this YouTube video to get the word out that their beloved gorilla head must be returned at all costs.  Well the angel of headless gorillas was around that day and saw the love and devotion that the town of Appleton had for its gorilla.  So moved an anonymous phone call was made to the Appleton police, the Appleton police then called the Minneapolis police.  Then a home was visited, when the door was opened the police had all the answer they needed.  No words needed to be spoken.  There on the dining room table, adorned with holiday garland, was the now no longer lost gorilla head.  A truly heartfelt story that I had to share with all of you.  Now I won’t say I added a bit for dramatic flair………

Hmmmmmmm

What the heck is this?  Keep your naughty  thoughts to yourself.   I know, I know.  It was my first reaction as well.  That is why it is here.  Any guess?

Well if you must know.  It is a product of Germany.  Does that help.  Okay,  it is the result of environmental concerns.  Like war needs to be concerned with environmental issues! You should have guessed it by now.  Think of the German country side.  How far are the villages from military bases?  Come on!  It is right there, take another look.  You have got to be kidding me.  Even I figured it out.  Yeah, that’s it.  If Todd can figure it you had better concentrate just a little bit more.  Look at your face, it is right there, yup you’re on the right track.  YES!!!  It is a silencer for the German mobilized artillery.  They use it when they practice with live rounds.  It supresses the sound so the little chickens in the pen don’t keel over dead.

Going to go out and see if my car starts.  Wish me luck.

Semper Fi

You’re not paranoid if they are after you!! And a Gorilla head.

OMG!!  They are after me!  Google that is. I am convinced they are not happy with my search.  Oh, remember “IRS helping homeowners”? I was over it when I did the search “cold weather fire fighting” and I finally saw some actual fire fighting videos, but then something freaked me out yesterday and I had to go home and lie in a fetal position and cry like a baby.  I have to bring you back to help you understand.  This is justified.  First I asked Google a question.  Google has a hard time responding.  I think I experienced the longest search time Google has ever had run.  Then a search on puppies and kittens brings me to sugar gliders.  To this point I am convinced that I really ticked off Google.  The next day comes and I redo the search because I am worried just a little bit.  The search is relatively normal. I think I am in the clear.  So I breath a sigh of relief and continue with my normal routine. I was listening to the radio and this talk show host had a video about the “wunder boner“. I go and watch it. It is a you tube video. It was amusing and I continue on with my day. Then my screen flashes that I have an email. I go check it out, turn off my computer and drive home as fast as I can. I am now cloistered to the bathroom refusing to come out. What made me panic and run? The email was from You Tube and it was the “Wunder Boner” video. How did You Tube get my email address? Google is still after me. I spent the rest of the afternoon, peeking out windows, chewing fingernails, hiding valuables and getting ready to wipe my hard drive. My wife arrives home, I yank open the door, pull her in,  slam the door and lock it. First words out of her mouth is……………… Did you get that You Tube video I sent you today?  AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

Okay, here is the other thing that freaks me out.  How many know of the Box Elder bug?  We up here in MN get them seasonally.  Summer and early spring.  They are  a swarm of insects, but they do not cause big problems.  Unless you consider swarms of beetles resting on your doors, windows and siding a big problem. So by nature they are out of commission. Well in 10 degree weather I felt something on my arm. I look down and it is a box elder bug. WTH? I think some one is messing with me.  What can I do to calm the Google?

Now I had asked what you do out of boredom. This is something that I have witnessed and it ain’t pretty. If you are stuck in a place with men only, this is inevitable.

Since it is Friday I figure it is goof off day.  Here are videos of what our uniformed heroes do when things get slow.

What do you do when you find live stock on the battle field?  Well, if you are like these soldiers you fight them.

It is also important to keep the locals organized and disciplined.  After all how can you achieve order if everyone is running around unchecked?

This is more of a training video, but it was created out of boredom.  Of  that I am certain.

The Navy has never had a good reputation with the Marine Corps.  There’s this rivalry thing going on, I think since 1775.  So when I see this I understand why.

Now this is what I would expect from bored Fire Fighters.  I guess it is in their genes.

Now I understand Monty Python’s flying circus.

And the winner of how bored can bored get contest.  Think of the time these guys had to put together this video.  It is a little long but well worth the watch.  I knew the Marines weren’t all that dumb.

Is it time for another WHAT THE HECK IS IT?  Well okay.    WHAT THE HECK IS IT?

No it is not a robot boob.

This my friends is a nut cracker!  I am not joking. This chunk of metal is placed on the knee.  The nut is placed in the holder.  Then you take a hammer and smash that walnut to smithereens.  In winter the metal chunk can sit by the fire and when the right temp will keep you lap all toasty and warm and you get to crack nuts.  How awesome is that?

I hope you enjoyed my goof off day.  Monday will have to do to learn what a Gorilla head had to do with todays posting.  Enjoy your weekend and if you like most of us in this great nation you will be enjoying it shoveling snow.

Semper fi!

Dog recipes, cement shoes, genius and playing chief.

Ha, Las Vegas under 4 inches of snow.  How cool is that?  We woke up to a balmy 8 degrees this morning, but it is not to last.  This afternoon temps start to drop and lot’s of snow.  We at Homes for Heroes thank you for wishing all the snow.   I am enjoying it immensely.

I have a ton of stuff today but I wanted again to mention that we have a soldier in need of assistance.  He is looking for a place to live in the Victoria TX area.  Email or call Vic Luebker at 210-544-3188 with any assistance or contacts that may help him out.

I wonder how many we will sell?

Who needs a dog recipe?  There is a website out there called fail blog.  It has photos and videos of life’s unintended consequences.  Pretty funny and not racy at all.  Maybe a bathing suit.  I use this site daily just to put a different spin on my morning perspectives.  A good chuckle to be had by all.

Well this morning I put those same words into Google.  You know, “Cold weather fire fighting” and I think things have calmed down a bit.  This time the search came back with actual fire fighting video.  Although there were still UFO videos mixed in with some other videos regarding beaches?  Here is an example of how not to put out a gas fire.  Any tips on what they should have done it?  I think I would not have towed it sooner. But then again……

From the Chiefs Corner, we are being asked to be the police chief and come up with a solution.  Here is the situation.  There has been an increase in cars being broken into.  This upcoming week is a large Church week and the Chief is looking for some ideas on how to keep that to a minimum. The burglaries dummies, not church.  My first thought was attack dogs in Church parking lots, but that was quickly shot down by my dog, Angel.  After yesterdays article regarding talking animals, I just had to  listen.  She told me that there would be no way in heck she would sit out side in the cold winter just to keep people from busting into cars.  I then told her the cars were actually squirrel jails and people would be coming out to set the squirrels free.  Well she has signed up at the First Emmanuel Church to ensure that no squirrels are set free.  Not really, we live too far away.  She was interested though.  But I think it is a neat challenge and maybe someone will come up with a great solution.  I have put the Chiefs link on my roster, go check it out.

Well if the oil and energy crisis wasn’t bad enough we now are using oil in our computers!!  What you ask?  I will repeat.  We are now using oil in our computers!  It seems that oil is not only a cheap energy source it can also be used to cool processors on our desk tops.  Apparently gaming freaks have know for some time that heat is a limiting factor when it comes to processing speeds.  So if they can keep the processors cooler they will be able to whack more trolls faster and with better graphics.  Figures it would take a college student to figure that out.  So if anyone out there knows a computer gaming geek, turn them to this article and watch them drool and revise letters to Santa.

Now I am not going to call my self a genius or anything, but remember yesterday when I said that mortgage rates will probably drop?  Well they have, nearly half a point bringing a 30 year fixed rate to 5.19%.  Not sure if it will drop more but if you are sitting on a 6 or 7% mortgage now, call your Homes for Heroes affiliate and get in on this low rate band wagon.  Just to put it into perspective, the last time rates were this low was 1971.  Yes, 1971.  Heck my wife wasn’t even born yet.  Now that would be an interesting topic at the dinner table.  “Honey?”  “Yes dear?”  “Did you know that our interest rate on our mortgage is lower than you are old?”(keep in mind this is me talking)  “That’s fine dear, now finish your soup.” Or something along those lines.  It would be cool though.   You could have the same interest rate as your parents first mortgage.

QUIZ TIME FOR HOMES FOR HEROES.  This may or may not be a new feature at Homes for Heroes.  I was doing some research for an article and found these photos.  I asked my colleagues in the office if they knew what they were.  The response was hilarious so I thought I would ask you out there the same thing.  What the heck is this?

What the heck is it?

Hint? It is not robot parts as one colleague thought, nor is it a device to keep you from scratching.  Another hint?  McKenzie is its name.  Okay time is up.  Next picture.  What the heck is this?

No it is not a toilet!

Hint?  It is not the mobs updated version of cement boots.  Another?  No, it is not a varicose vein treatment device.

Well, do want to know what they are?  You do?  Are youuuu suuuurrre?  You will have to wait till tomorrow.  But I can’t wait till tomorrow.  Just ask my wife.  I am the worst at surprises and secrets.  So I will answer the question.  Just what the heck is it?  The first is called the McKenzie mitt. (no not you McKenzie, she is my niece).  It was invented back in the early 1900’s by a security guard that had fallen asleep and his prisoner grabbed his gun and shot him.  This device eliminates that worry but brings about it’s demise.  Remember unintended consequences?  Well what happens if the criminal wants to take a nature break.  The guard would then have to decide to assist, which was not in the contract or remove the mitts which brings you right back to the reason they were wearing them in the first place.  So they did not do to well on the market.  The second picture is that of an Oregon boot.  It was patented in 1866 by, you guessed it, a prison warden.  It was made to be the competitor of the shackles.  It was quite effective in its design.  A prisoner could walk quite normally without all that chain clanking or needing assistance going up and down stairs.  If the prisoner thought that he would make a run for it, well just picture trying to run with 40 to 60 pounds strapped to your ankles.  It is not possible to run with those things on.  Why didn’t they catch on?  Well think about it.  If you are a prison guard, which is easier to lug around?  60 pounds of metal or a 4 pound chain?  So again, unintended consequences of a great idea.

Another reminder to all of you.  This site is mostly to chronicle the lighter side of uniformed life. Whether that be in  a civil service capacity or uniformed forces.  I have been holding back, and that should please you.  Let’s start hearing what kind of things you would do to combat boredom?  In Okinawa my buds and I when not creating earthquakes would collect jungle bugs, spray them in an epoxy type stuff and then display them around the work area.  Some were down right dangerous and should not have been messed with.  But then again you know Marines.  Too dumb to know any better.

Semper Fi

Conspiracy, Google or Government? Balut and talking animals.

My, My, My.  It seems the consequences of typing into Google “IRS helping homeowners” was not such a funny thing after all.  Yes, we all witnessed a miracle and that was fantastic and all that.  But now I am experiencing something a little bit odd.  On the news this morning I saw we had a house fire in St. Paul.  I thought to myself, man it must suck trying to put out a fire in sub zero temperatures.  I read the article in the paper and the cold weather was mentioned also.  I went to the Google and typed in “cold weather fire fighting”, hoping to get some insights to the hazards and obstacles of putting out a fire in freezing temperatures.  Now I am not saying what came up was conspiratorial, but it was not right also.  The first two pages dealt only with UFOs, then started to move into video games and then into music lyrics?????  I thought maybe the cold fingers mistyped, so I entered it again.  This time the top article’s title was, “USAF ordered to shoot down UFO“.  It was a Youtube link.  I showed this to my Homes for Heroes colleagues.  Everyone was somber and I thought I heard a gasp from one of them.  But after an awkward moment of silence, they all chuckled and went back to their desks, sort of.  Now we have people doubling up on desks that are far away from me.  Not sure why, they are the safe ones, after all it was I that typed those infamous words.  So my question, who is after me?  Is it Google?  They have reason.  I put forth a scenario that they never thought of and it taxed their engine to the extreme.  Maybe I broke Google.  I red-lined the engine and it has not yet recovered.  Is it the government?  Did I stumble across a top secret program that no one is to know about?  Anyway, I think I will have to take it easy on my searches.  I think I will stick to puppies and kittens.  Ahhh!?!  I think I am going to take a long lunch………..Where’s my passport?

Lunch was tense, I could have sworn there was a black SUV following me through the drive thru.  Got back to the office and had another panic attack.  My desk was missing!!  As I started to hyperventilate a co-worker just pointed to the far end of the office.  It seems the office rearranged desks.  One colleague came over to point out that the desks were arranged to keep any flash bangs at least 30 feet away from the closest co-worker.  Neat.  So I crossed the 30 foot blast zone and powered up my computer.  With some relief I find that Microsoft Internet Explorer users are also under a cyber attack.  If you use IE, get the security update.  I use Firefox for my browser and there are some issues, but it works great and it is a smaller target than Microsoft.

NOW LISTEN UP FOR A MOMENT.  WE HAVE A URGENT ISSUE THAT YOU CAN HELP OUT ON!!.  Homes for Heroes received an email today from Hope4Heroes.  This organization helps vets with disabilities and PTSD.  He called on us for help.  He has a soldier that has lost his home to fire, disabled from Iraq, medically retired and 4 of his 6 children are living at home still.  He is in temp housing but will need another place to stay soon.  Please call First Sergeant Luebker at 210-544-3188 or visit his site above if you can offer any assistance.

I also think the Canadian government has taken interest in my blog.  Look at this article about Tazers.  Hmmmmm.

Now some good news for home buyers.  With the feds interest rates at .25%  we may see a drop in mortgage rates.  Keep your fingers crossed. Usually when the feds drop the rates, mortgage rates generally follow.

Now here is an article that has been a topic of discussion between my wife and I for a long time.  I am not sure I want to put this up because it will keep her track record of being 100% correct unbeaten.  This article was a study of pet owners who claim they understand their pets barks and mewings.  We have our Angel and my wife knows each and every bark that comes out of Angels yap.  Ruff, Ruff means there is someone walking down the side walk.  Ruff, Ruff Growl Ruff, Growl means someone walking with a dog.  Ru, means I want to come in now.  Raowwarf means, I want to go out.   I would give you the one for squirrels in the yard but I am trying to keep the word count under 10,000.   So I will have to tone down my skepticism in the future.  Now what will I do for fun?

Okay, I saw this article at Spousebuzz.  It is about military members sending home odd things while stationed overseas.  I can relate to this perfectly.  In my travels around the world I look for the oddest things to buy and send home.  Best place to find those odd things? Grocery stores and the local markets. They make great conversation pieces and in the case of Spousebuzz, great gifts.  Well I don’t think I could separate with my stainless steel chop sticks, or my 4 oz. can of Budweiser, or my “Operation Desert Storm” soda can, and the many other things I have collected over the years.  So the question goes out to the world.  What is the oddest thing you have purchased while overseas, whether on duty or on vacation?  Food can be included.  In fact, one of the oddest items I bought in the Philippines was Balut.  What is Balut?  Well it is boiled duck or chicken eggs.  Doesn’t sound too odd to me you ask?  Well take a look at how you have to eat Balut.  Warning, this will also effect your constitution. So those with weak stomachs or are munching granola might want to steer away.  Enjoy.

Semper Fi

STOP THE MADNESS. -17F THIS MORNING!!!

How did I start the blog yesterday?  Oh I remember, BRRRRRRRRR, BRRRRRRRR, BRRRRRRRRR.  Got up this morning and it was very  cold.  Turns out that global warming is really messing with my head.  -17F.  How can that be?  The Homes for Heroes office seems to think that consistent heat is not the order of the day.  So the staff is wearing winter coats.  I should get a picture.  It is funny to see someone working on the computer with winter coat, hat and mittens on.  It started to snow, and that means when I get home, I get to play with my snow blower.  Maybe.  Our high today is 2.  You know it is colder outside than in my freezer.

This is worth looking into.  Only in the twin cities. In the middle of being chased by squad cars, this woman decides that she is going to stop at MacDonald’s for a burger before continuing on her chase.  I am not kidding. So here we have a defendant and here is what she said.  1. She was not drinking, it is perfectly normal to be driving at 2:30 am without headlights. She blew a .133.  2. She did not stop when first told to do so because she thought the police were just going to mess with her because her license is revoked.  3.  She claims she is going to have heart surgery the next day.  And it just keeps getting better. Great article.

Now I posted late today because I was waiting for this news.  I think it is about time that the government actually do something to help us out instead of bailing out anybody with a lobbyist.  The IRS, yes the IRS is actually going to allow tax liens on property take a second seat to mortgage holders when some one wants to sell or refinance their home.  Can you believe it?  I know, I was pacing all day today not quite sure what was wrong.  Something felt out of place.  Something froze over I thought and it wasn’t just the Midwest.  Yes I believe those living in eternal misery had a brief spell of cool weather today.  It was really nagging at me all day.  Then all of a sudden I  had this huge and overwhelming urge to go to Google and type in “IRS helps homeowners”.  After I typed the words, I called my colleagues around to witness what I had just done.  They all looked at my words and then all burst into laughter.  After the tears were wiped clean and our breathing back to normal, I asked if I should hit the enter key.  Some were frightened of the consequences such an abuse of the Google would bring.  Others had a sense of bravado.  They looked eager for the adventure of the unknown.  And still others were wringing hands knowing this was something that had to be done but did not wish to be around to see the results, after all they had wives and families to think of.  So we took a vote and it was then decided that I would press the enter key and see where it took me.  My colleagues all went back to there desks after offering me a heart felt good luck slap on the back.  One individual offered to stand by as back up.  I declined, he was a decent fellow and had just put his family into a new home.  I could not do that to him.  My family is grown and my insurance papers are in order.  So I wiped my palms on my thighs, then rubbed them together to get the chill out of my fingertips.  This was not going to be easy, but after a couple of deep cleansing breaths I reached out  and hit the enter key.   Now Google is well known for it’s speed in searches, they always post how fast they can find umpteen million references to snoogerdoodles.   Well, I waited the average tenth of a second and nothing yet had come up.  No post telling me Google found no matches.  The tenth of a second turned into a half a second, still nothing.  Now I was worried.  Half a second and nothing.  I envisioned swat teams busting through the door of the office, knocking over desks and people just to get to me and put me away for a long time.  Just when I was about to flee, the screen pops up with just one entry, and to my surprise an apology for taking so long on the search.  I think the customer service people at Google were trying to do a good job and just find something that would match my search.  Well they did.  Read the article, sit in disbelief, then thank the almighty for the miracle you have witnessed.  Now on the serious side, if any of you are unlucky enough to have a tax lien,  get with your Homes for Heroes affiliate and let them know you no longer have to worry and can move forward with selling or refinancing your home.  Here is the article.  Now be warned, those of you with faint constitutions should have another adult around while you read.

There was another article in the local paper how a man died after being tasered.  He was going to shoot his wife and the cops, following protocol, tasered him because he would not drop the weapon.  I went on line to find out just how bad it is being tasered and this video of some fellow Marines makes it seem like a cake walk.  Take a look.  This could be a new party trend.  Taser parties.  Enjoy.

Well, the snow blower is calling again and the temperature is hovering near zero.  Should be okay.  Wish me luck and again thanks for your prayers in bringing snow to us in the mid west.

Semper fi.

BRRRRRRRRRR, shoe polish and Sam’s Club

BRRRRRRRRR, BRRRRRRRRR, BRRRRRRRRR, BRRRRRRRRR, BRRRRRRRRR and then BRRRRRRRRR. It is freaking cold outside. Woke up and looked at the thermometer. -8. Yes in December and an era of global warming. It was -8. Do you understand that to date we have not yet hit zero in our neighborhood. Ones body has to get used to the cold. You know, a gradual slope that we don’t slip or get hurt on. But not like this. I have tripped and can’t get my core temperature up to it’s daily goal. It is so cold. I ran out to get some wood for the fireplace. We did not go to the Homes for Heroes office today. Too much ice on the road. Well (there is that word again) my hands melted some of the snow and when I went to open the door to get back in, my thumb stuck to the door handle!! I know I asked you all to pray for snow here in Minnesota. And I am pleased to report that we did get lots up north. So thanks to those who put a prayer in for us. However, I do not want to thank those that prayed for the ice storm we got here in Minneapolis. Nasty roads, and again I refer to the gradual slope. MN drivers need time to adjust to the crappy road conditions. We started out nice, a couple of inches here and there, mellow temps (15 to 20) and not too slippery roads. We only got one weekend to practice then rain and -8 degrees. You know that salt does not work on ice when the temp is below 15. So I am sure the insurance agents are sitting at their desks with the sweat pouring off their brows, praying their phones will not ring today.

SAM’S CLUB!! If you have a military ID or a DD214 Sam’s club is waiving all membership fees today. It is a one day only deal. So get off yer bottoms and go get some savings. Go on, hurry up. I will wait.

Okay, you are back. See I told you it was worth the trip. Now I came across this article by Spousebuzz. I thought it was cool. Especially today freezing my but off in a world that will melt in 5 years. We all need to recycle. So if you could leave a few recycling tips for the readers today we can all sleep better knowing we made the world a little bit lest melting.

Well out to shovel and salt. Enjoy the climate wherever you are at. And remember, here in Minneapolis, right now we can use a banana as a hammer.

Semper Fi